Leaping From the LoveNest

Wow, moments like this.

I just left my apartment. I took the stairs one last time down from the third floor, but metaphorically I am leaping into the sky. My back terrace was a huge roof, extended over the mattress shop below. My neighbours were a Peruvian restaurant with the owners afterhours apartment scene on my south wall and an unfinished construction site on my north wall. I called it The LoveNest.

a place I landed when I fell out of the subarctic two years ago

a place to hide and lick my wounds, to regain courage and hope, to recover my self

a place to revel in the conveniences of city life like swine in her beloved mud

But now it is time to go lose and find myself again.

Moments like this when the veil of habituated existence which seemed like the very fabric of life parts slightly and you can pass between them, something whispers This is a taste test of the great death.

You know these moments? Struck with wonder, right there in the in between. Here I Am... Where Am I? I stopped on a bench half way down my block, overcome with the realization that each step is away from the LoveNest, from now on it is a memory.

I was overcome with the urge to cry. But joy-laughs flew up beside the tears. They all looked at each other and stopped, unsure who should go first. This often happens to me, two or five or twenty simultaneous emotions wash through, each canceling out the others while I sit waiting for something to break through… like when grandma was taking so many medications near the end that doctors weren’t sure what was having an effect anymore.

Time to release the white-knuckle grip, let go where I have been holding on, and release myself into the churning river of life.

U.S.S. Chickadees’ Delight, here I come! I mean, here I am!  Wait, where am I? Wait, who am I?... Well I think I'll start with finding some lunch. Tonight I'm going to watch my friend Mebrat's gospel choir City Soul, out from Vancouver to perform their acapella Soul Unplugged. A perfect day for a "Can I get a hell ya?!" kinda night.

Wow, moments like this...

~sab
Cafe El Mundo, Montreal