Tears and Green Poop

Sniffling, I walked out the front door past the 3 foot high Autumn Joy Sedum perpetually covered in beautiful blue butterflies, fat bumblebees and other pollinators. Across the driveway and into the forest, my breath started to catch and ache in my throat. Dodging large sparkling spider webs up the short trail to the garden, I went in search of Frankie. They weren’t in the garden. Tears finally began to fall as I went on, stumble-stomping in my rubber boots down the inner lane of the property, past the dog play yard and my space shuttle. Finally I spotted Frankie through the miniature waterfalls of my eyes. Did I mention we’re doing a cleanse? This was Day 3.

Down at the chicken coop, Frankie was wrestling with 50 yards of wire fence. When I sneak up on them doing these farmer things I always think they look exceptionally hot, but common lust drifted aside as I reminded myself to stay with the depth of rising emotions. At the sight of safe harbour I started to bawl loudly. Frankie looked up and gave that warm, knowing, consoling smile. A couple minutes later we are back inside, I am lying on the bed, on my back while Frankie perched on one corner commanded “Say it all, and kick your legs. Yes, yes.”

They warn in the book that the release of toxins can show up in many forms, physical symptoms and emotional. Needless to say, we’ve had both. Overall we’re both less irritable, but there are many moments of seemingly toxic release. You know, those outbursts that are clearly about more than whatever they seem to be about “No I don’t want to grate that beet! YOU do it.” But then there are also these subtle highs that happen, deeper connection is growing, a mutual self-respect dawning – believing that we have the power, proving our commitment to help each other heal.

With the help of my loving witness I pounded the bed with my legs and wailed out all of my miserable thoughts. “Why? Why is this so hard? I’m overwhelmed… There have been farm wives all over the place with lots of kids and endless chores, like I was just in the bathroom reading in that Mother Earth News about homesteaders, and I need a tissue, and there’s one woman who runs acafé’-bakery off the family's organic farm and raises kids too. She would probably laugh at my troubles.” I am sobbing, “I can’t even keep the two of us in prepared whole food without spending the whole day in the kitchen.”

Today is Day 8 of 14. Well, technically it’s about a month long process that we are half way through. See, there were 5 ‘Transition Days” first, then after these two weeks of focused cleanse there is the opportunity to use the clean body state to do sensitivity testing. Reintroducing allergens one by one – soy, gluten, sugar, dairy, eggs, yeast, nightshade veggies, beer… oh my long lost porter how I dream of the day we are reunited to savour one another.

We chose the Conscious Cleanse because of its emphasis on mind-body, not just diet. We are following their suggestion to write each morning and evening for 15 minutes. And there are enjoyable action assignments, to try on each day: Day 3 – dance or enjoy some light fun activity for 30minutes; Day 7 - detox your environment, ditch the nasty cleaning substances, make your own window cleaner!

Like lifestyle homeopathy or something these little actions seem to create positive ripple effects. The other day I put a Buddha above the toilet and the next day I started poo’ing green. I was genuinely ecstatic. A few minutes later I was cutting across those good vibrations with irate frustration like a powerboat in a Zen pond. And so it goes, hour by hour, day by day, up and down on the bucking wild horsie of my being, trying to learn how to ride well.

I am putting another post today (Conscious Cleanse Pix & Tips, so check that out for visual inspiration!

Great love & green poop,

~Sab

On Frankie’s farm, somewhere north of Siler City, NC

Conscious Cleanse Pix & Tips

On the conscious cleanse we start each day with a quart of lemon water (we add a drop of stevia) and write for 15 minutes. After walking the Ruckus Pack (Mishkami, Bean, Sophie & Pearl) breakfast is a green smoothie. Each night before bed I cut everything up, so in the morning hunger we can just add 2c water and press blend. I’ve fallen in love with the way the coarsely chopped plant manifestations look in the glass blender together.

The idea is to start with ¾ fruit and ¼ vegetable (i.e. Blueberries, bananas, pineapple and lettuce) and slowly invert that until the smoothie is mostly greens & other veggies (i.e. Kale, spinach, cuke and lemon or mango). And we usually throw a couple tablespoons of a ‘superfood’ like ground flax, chia or hemp seeds and a bit of coconut or flax oil.

Lunch is usually a big salad, or leftovers from the night before. Dinner has become a playground of vegan, gluten, and soy free wonders. Day 1 dinner was quinoa tabouli and wilted mustard greens tossed with portobello mushroom gravy.

Part of the cleanse is the food combining principle not to have grains & proteins in the same meal (except lentils) and to really emphasize vegetables. So on Day 2 we went all out with three veggie dishes with little proteins: raw mustard & salad greens with mung bean sprouts, toasted almonds and vegan caesar salad (which includes cashews & dates); sesame sautéed kale, chard and dandelion greens; and citrus infused steamed broccoli.

Day 3 was leftovers and Day 4 we switched back to grains with veggie fried rice drizzled with ume plum vinegar and lemon jus on a bed of red leaf lettuce and raw kale massaged with olive oil.

I want to share my quick version of the Vegetable Medley (or as Frankie likes to slur it ‘Vegetable Melody’) recipe. It’s one of our new favourite dishes. It’s a veggie ‘stir-fry’, except it’s actually steamed and you only put oil on at the end.

Vegetable Medley

First you chop up a bunch of veggies, aiming for a rainbow of colour choices. As you chop, separate into 3 bowls, based on degree of hardness. After my meltdown, (see post Tears and Green Poop) Frankie offered to help out more with cooking during the cleanse and actually did all the chopping you see here!

Into a inch or two of boiling water the first bowl goes, with ginger, garlic, onion and anything harder (broccoli stems, carrots).

Steam for about 5 minutes. (Our lid system looks tricky, don’t worry it’s just because we don’t have a lid large enough to fit this pan.) Next goes the second bowl for another 5ish minutes with things like tougher kale leaves, celery, mushrooms, chard stems, etc…

When everything seems about ready (still vibrantly coloured yet pierce-able without too much force) you add things that just need a 1-2 minute wilt, like chard leaves and baby spinach. Add, stir and turn off the heat.

When it’s done the idea is to drizzle each bowl with just 1-2T of oil (we like to blend sesame & olive) and a pinch of sea salt or dash of Ume Plum vinegar.  Then you feast on the flavours of the veggies themselves.

We did this recipe on a transition day and found it a little dull. When we made it again on Day 6 we were shocked by the bursting flavours of each morsel, and to realize how desensitized our tongues had been before!

Vegetables melodies,

~Sab

On Frankie’s farm, somewhere north of Siler City, NC

Back from the Dark Side of the Moon

Sometimes this happens, I disappear into the big waves of change, and then resurface some ways off. So my whirlwind of BC lovin is done and I’ve landed on a strange, hot new planet called North Carolina. My dreams of farm wife–writing-meditation sabbatical were almost crushed at the border. “Ma’am it looks like you are moving. YOU need to prove to ME that you intend to return to Canada.” 

In the end I was given conditional entry, but I have to re-cross the border by Dec 20^th.

Highlights along the way in the last month - I was honored to officiate Dave & Lise’s wedding in Montreal, while being hosted at Julia's gourmet B&B in mile-end, and she took us on an epic bike adventure to see some whirling dervishes.

Then we got to hang with Sophie and stashed my remaining boxes in her in-laws barn in Ormstown.

Once across the border, we visited with the Picone-Louro’s home-schooling base station in Granby, MA, where we were dazzled by Bella-Sky’s circus show! And delighted to have a rowdy piece of cake with LB.

Next we saw Frankie’s family in Philly, and my beloved Auntie Linda, who was on the east coast for work. The sweet finish on my 7 weeks of travel was the spectacular vista from the Appalachian Sky-Line Drive, with Frankie & Mishkami. Unfortunately we realized the tent poles were missing around midnight on our first night in the mountains. So we had to sleep in the truck, but that meant a grumbly, road-weary, task - being attacked by mosquitos while trying to repack all of my boxes that barely fit into the bed of the truck, into the cab of the truck!

Last week we had our first NC picnic (homemade falafels & hummus with organic veggies, and red wine with orange dark chocolates) in an old stone amphitheatre with trees towering above for a filtered light ceiling. There we watched an epic puppet spectacle Invisible Earth by Paper Hands. Giant-sized puppets (aided by graceful, masterful puppeteer-dancer-stiltwalking-gymnasts) showed us the evolution of life on the planet and cautioned against the use of fossil fuels. The giant ice age ostriches were my favourite.

At the play we met up with Alyzza, a playful-n-wise woman I met on the other side of the continent earlier in August. We were both participants in the Theatre of the Oppressed(TO) training. I had trouble remembering all the participants names and yet felt like I ‘knew’ each of my them intimately by the end of the week… one of those experiences of embodied communication, sensing the energy of the space & connecting beyond talking, 

Alyzza invited me to co-lead a TO workshop later this month at a local conference called ReWeaving NC (about New Economy). I love how one thing leads to the next and across great distances the stepping stones ahead appear.

Now that I’m settling in to a home and a routine again my intention is to put more reflections out in this blog. But for tonight I’ll leave you with my top ten favourite things about North Carolina so far 

(besides Frankie and our new dog pack of course!):

1. Epic skies with clouds that tower vertically like skyscrapers that suddenly invade and shoot lightening out.
2. Lightening bugs, aka fireflies. At night if you look at the trees it’s like little meteor showers are happening all around.
3. Eating tomatoes still warm from the sun.
4. Big sweaty men rider-mowing their fields half naked, just kidding… it’s a little gross but entertaining to spot them during country drives.
5. The Wild Food & Herb market, among several other awesome open air markets in the small towns all around the area, this one was the best.
6. Green herons.
7. Cooking food picked from the garden, even though 200 tomatoes is a lot to manage as a first time farm wife!
8. Listening to Carolina Chocolate Drops while I cook.
9. The nighttime cacophony of the woods… rowdy nature compared to the quiet BC forests.
10. Paper Hands puppet theatre.