Sniffling, I walked out the front door past the 3 foot high
Autumn Joy Sedum perpetually covered in beautiful blue butterflies, fat bumblebees
and other pollinators. Across the driveway and into the forest, my breath started
to catch and ache in my throat. Dodging large sparkling spider webs up the short
trail to the garden, I went in search of Frankie. They weren’t in the garden.
Tears finally began to fall as I went on, stumble-stomping in my rubber boots down
the inner lane of the property, past the dog play yard and my space shuttle. Finally
I spotted Frankie through the miniature waterfalls of my eyes. Did I mention
we’re doing a cleanse? This was Day 3.
Down at the chicken coop, Frankie was wrestling with 50
yards of wire fence. When I sneak up on them doing these farmer things I always
think they look exceptionally hot, but common lust drifted aside as I reminded
myself to stay with the depth of rising emotions. At the sight of safe harbour
I started to bawl loudly. Frankie looked up and gave that warm, knowing, consoling
smile. A couple minutes later we are back inside, I am lying on the bed, on my
back while Frankie perched on one corner commanded “Say it all, and kick your
legs. Yes, yes.”
They warn in the book that the release of toxins can show up
in many forms, physical symptoms and emotional. Needless to say, we’ve had
both. Overall we’re both less irritable, but there are many moments of seemingly
toxic release. You know, those outbursts that are clearly about more than
whatever they seem to be about “No I don’t want to grate that beet! YOU do it.”
But then there are also these subtle highs that happen, deeper connection is
growing, a mutual self-respect dawning – believing that we have the power,
proving our commitment to help each other heal.
With the help of my loving witness I pounded the bed with my
legs and wailed out all of my miserable thoughts. “Why? Why is this so hard?
I’m overwhelmed… There have been farm wives all over the place with lots of
kids and endless chores, like I was just in the bathroom reading in that Mother Earth News about homesteaders, and I need a tissue, and there’s one woman who runs acafé’-bakery off the family's organic farm and raises kids too. She
would probably laugh at my troubles.” I am sobbing, “I can’t even keep the two
of us in prepared whole food without spending the whole day in the kitchen.”
Today is Day 8 of 14. Well, technically it’s about a month
long process that we are half way through. See, there were 5 ‘Transition Days”
first, then after these two weeks of focused cleanse there is the opportunity
to use the clean body state to do sensitivity testing. Reintroducing allergens
one by one – soy, gluten, sugar, dairy, eggs, yeast, nightshade veggies, beer…
oh my long lost porter how I dream of the day we are reunited to savour one another.
We chose the
Conscious Cleanse because of its emphasis on mind-body, not just diet. We
are following their suggestion to write each morning and evening for 15
minutes. And there are enjoyable action assignments, to try on each day: Day 3
– dance or enjoy some light fun activity for 30minutes; Day 7 - detox your
environment, ditch the nasty cleaning substances, make your own window cleaner!
Like lifestyle homeopathy or something these little actions
seem to create positive ripple effects. The other day I put a Buddha above the
toilet and the next day I started poo’ing green. I was genuinely ecstatic. A
few minutes later I was cutting across those good vibrations with irate
frustration like a powerboat in a Zen pond. And so it goes, hour by hour, day
by day, up and down on the bucking wild horsie of my being, trying to learn how
to ride well.
I am putting another post today (Conscious Cleanse Pix &
Tips, so check that out for visual inspiration!
Great love & green poop,
~Sab
On Frankie’s farm, somewhere north of Siler City, NC
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